


Mishaps I - IV

by VesperRegina



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack, Early Work, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-14
Updated: 1998-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VesperRegina/pseuds/VesperRegina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt (four stories occurring in Mulder and Scully's office).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mishaps I - IV

Mishaps I: A Pair of UFOs  
Summary: What do you get when you cross shoes and a FBI agent?

* * *

What a day, thought Dana Scully as she sat down carefully at her desk. Nursing the cup of coffee she'd just retrieved, she contemplated _that_ poster. _I want to believe_, in bold white capital letters across the bottom. A simple statement made ridiculous by the slightly flattened spherical, blurry object above a group of pine trees.

Scully smiled, despite the awful situations she'd found herself in that day. Especially at how that macaroni and cheese had turned her friend Kathy's blouse into an interesting imitation of a Monet painting. She'd apologized, profusely, yet she had taken a perverse pleasure at the look on Kathy's face. Just the memory of it was enough to make her laugh. Then she winced. Her shoes were killing her feet through pinch torture. She'd hoped to break them in today--bad idea. She reached down to take them off, and paused.

An outrageous thought had popped into her head. She smiled and it widened to a mischievous grin as she said, "Who cares?" She loosened them, then leaned back in her chair and kicked, sending the shoe flying. It hit the door to the office with a solid, satisfying thump.

"Yes! Goal!"

She smiled again, more devilishly this time, aimed, kicked, and sent the remaining to follow its companion...

...as the door opened...

...and the shoe hit her partner, Fox Mulder (to whom the improbable poster belonged) right between his eyes.

He fell like a stone dropped from the leaning tower of Pisa.

Scully stared in shock for a moment before rushing over to him, doctor instincts taking over.

He dazedly looked at her and said, "I'm not in heaven, am I?"

"Good, you're okay."

Her somewhat cold answer brought him back from where he'd been. He stood and rubbed his forehead.

"What was that, Scully?"

She held up the offending object. "My shoe. I'm sorry, Mulder. I was trying to unwind."

"In that case, feel free to launch your UFOs. Just warn me to duck, okay?"

"Sure, Mulder."

End.

* * *

Mishaps II: Sneezes and Scratches  
Summary: Sabotage leaves our heroes momentarily incapacitated.

* * *

He snuck into their office. He placed his weapon, a small cardboard box with holes punched in the top, into Dana Scully's desk, and promptly snuck out again.

Later that morning, Dana Scully arrived before Fox Mulder. A rare occurrence, one that she immediately took advantage of. They had no case today, no paperwork either, so she set to trying to rearrange and clean the office. At first she thought the dust she raised was responsible for her sneezes and watering eyes, until she noticed the red welts on her hands. Her analytical mind immediately settled upon the cause. There was a cat in the office.

It took her less than five minutes to find the cardboard box and the offensive animal it held. The little kitten was spitting mad, and as she released it from its confinement, it jumped away from her. It ricocheted around the office and out the door as it opened. Unfortunately for the kitten, it found an obstacle in Fox Mulder. Unfortunately for Mulder, the kitten chose to ignore the obstacle and clambered up his pants, jacket and head.

* * *

"Ow, Scully! Could you be a little more careful with that?"

"Sit still, Mulder, you're only making it worse."

He flinched back from the antiseptic soaked cotton ball.

"Scully!"

"Mulder, sit still or I'll pinch your ears."

He ceased his wriggling. "I can't help it. It hurts. How did that demon get in our office anyway? Where is it?"

She finally finished her ministrations and stepped away. "I have no idea, to both questions. It's an X-File."

He snorted. "Or a bizarre Sherlock Holmes case. 'The Case of the Mysterious Cat'. "

"Right." She flashed him a perfect Spock take.

He opened his mouth, apparently changed his mind, and said instead, "How do you do that?"

Her brows drew together in a puzzled frown. "Do what?"

"Display such a perfect example of disbelief?"

"Oh, that. It comes naturally around you."

He laughed. "Thanks a lot, Scully."

"You're welcome. Now let's clean up your office."

End.

* * *

Mishaps III: Fore!  
Summary: Indoor golf.

* * *

Another uneventful day at the office was boring Scully to tears. Then she remembered the events of the past two days and as images of Mulder falling, struck down by the business end of high-heeled shoe, passed through her mind, she began to smile. She chuckled as she also recalled the way Mulder looked this morning--a small horseshoe shaped bruise in between his eyes and a trail of puckered dried blood on his cheek from a small kitten's paw.

He walked in and she toppled off her chair.

"What?" He sounded injured.

Fresh bursts of laughter escaped. "Nothing--just, have you looked at yourself today?"

"That cat's claws hurt, Scully! And this bruise is still giving me headaches. You have some powerful legs, Scully."

"I need them to keep up with a long-legged ape like you, Mulder."

"One of these day, Miss Prim, I hope to wipe that smug look off your face."

"Mulder, you'd better get your foot out of your mouth. I wouldn't want to treat you for athlete's foot!"

"Ouch. Scully, who would have know you to have such a bitter mouth?"

"Ah, Mulder. 'A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use'."

"Go ahead. Sharpen your axe on my whetstone."

The innuendo stopped her cold.

"All right, Mulder. I give. Want to play some indoor golf?"

"Indoor?" He started edging toward the door. "No, Scully, please don't."

"I have my clubs with me."

"Scully, that last time we played 'indoor golf' you nearly killed Skinner with your club."

"So? He's out of town. No one else ever comes down here. You can lock the door if it makes you feel better." By now she'd drawn out a club, and was holding it loosely.

He'd gradually gotten closer to the door and was trying to open it with his back to the knob. "You know what I'm going to do, Scully? I'm going to leave, quietly. You and golf clubs, _indoor_," he raised a warning finger, "are a catastrophe."

"Whatever you say, Mulder." She raised the golf club and swung it before he could go. The overhead light exploded in a shower of sparks and puffs of smoke.

"Scully, are you all right?"

She stood there, silent, shoulders still hunched in a protective posture, numbly grasping the golf club. She slowly straightened, looked Mulder directly in the eyes, and said, "Well, now I know what happens when a golf club is too long."

There was a short pause.

"Scully, if you want to play golf so desperately, let's go. Skinner's not here, we have no cases. Let's play hooky."

"You're laughing at me, aren't you?"

His mouth twisted. "I'm not."

"I can see right through you, Mulder. I know what you're thinking. It is funny, but let's not talk about it, and I won't mention your mishaps with," she gestured at his face, "you know. Deal?"

He smiled. "Deal."

End.

* * *

Mishaps IV: The Overamorous Duo  
Summary: The basement office is invaded.

* * *

"Stop, Tom. No, don't stop. Let's go somewhere private."

Tom shrugged. "Where, Alanna? There aren't many places here where a person can get comfortable."

She snorted. "Who said anything about comfortable? You know," she smiled evilly, "we could do it in the spooky office."

"We can't do that to our superiors."

"Please?" She leaned in and kissed him.

He was so wrapped around his wife's finger. "Okay."

* * *

"All right, Mulder, so what if you think the special effects in _Star Wars: The Special Edition_ detracted from the older version? Give me that coffee."

Mulder relinquished his hold on the mug, waved to an acquaintance they passed on the way to their office, then said, "Scully, all I'm saying is that compared to what I remember seeing, it just doesn't seem, well, anyway. I didn't say it detracted, it just doesn't add anything more 'special'. Give me my coffee back."

She relinquished it reluctantly.

"Okay, Mulder, I see what you're saying but George Lucas' vision was so expansive--."

"Wait, Scully."

A furrow creased her forehead. "What?"

He nodded his head toward their office door. "It's ajar."

They pulled their weapons and did the standard open: Scully pushed the door open and Mulder stepped in, gun at the ready.

Two disheveled and half-dressed newlywed employees of the FBI looked up, startled. They scrambled for coverings.

Mulder lowered his gun, an amused grin on his face. Scully stepped out from behind him and caught the same grin.

"Working late, Tom, Alanna?" Mulder said.

Tom spoke, panic making his voice tight, "You won't report this, will you, sir?"

He shook his head. "No, no. All I would really appreciate at this moment would be a camera. So, have fun. I'm not going to say anything."

"Thank you sir." He stammered for a moment, "Thank you."

Mulder shrugged. "You're welcome." As they were leaving, he added, "There's a broom closet down the hall, you know, just in case."

Alanna punched Tom in the arm. "The broom closet. Now why didn't I think of that?"

He winced. "Honey, do you know how cramped those places are?"

"Oh, quiet, Tom."

Their voices faded in the hallway.

Mulder turned to Scully and said, musingly, "You know, I wonder if the Gunmen could make them a present of the tape."

"Mulder!"

They stared at each other, and then cracked up at the same time.

End.


End file.
